Little Child Running, Somewhere Tonight

Little child running

Afraid to look back

Little child hiding

From the pains do the past

One, Two Three Fifty

Ready or not, hear I come

Are you ready ?

Run, little girl, run

Run from the pain

Run form the heartache

Run form the shame

Run before you break

Fragile Pieces

Of a shattered child

See all the creases

See all the filth

Will it ever die away

Will it ever come clean

Will it ever be ok?

Or have a new sheen?

Somewhere tonight

A child cries

Pain overwhelming

“I’ll be good…I’ll try”

Somewhere tonight

A child hurts

Alone and afraid

Carrying a heavy burden

A burden of fear

A burden of Pain

A burden of tears

A burden of shame

“It’s all your fault”

“you could have stopped it”

But how can you a blame

The child who is childless

Yesterday, I think of You, Without You

Yesterday

When times were good

The sun shown bright

We just knew it always would

Yesterday

Laughter filled our world

No tears were shed

No insult hurled

Yesterday

When life was simple

We the joy

In everything

Yesterday

Is gone

Vanished with the timed

It’s so very very wrong….

Yesterday….

I think of you

When the morning begins

And I am so happy

That we are more than just friends

 I love you so deeply

From the bottom of my soul

And if I only had the chance

I would make a fresh new start

I know that life's days

Are limited and few

But each precious moment

I would love to spend with you

I know I am far way

There is so much I want to say

Like for one, I love you more

With each and every passing day.

Without you

When you left this place

To a place I’m not allowed

Honey, it left me

Desolate and comfortless without you

When you disappeared

To a grander abode

Honey, It left me

Devastated and overwhelmed without you

Hen you vanished

To eternal Blessedness

Honey it left me

Lonely and helpless without you

When it will the ache fade away

From deep within my heart

Hone I will always love you

My life will never be the same without you.

Answers, Letter to Dad

Answers

My soul cries out for answers

To questions which seem so simple

Just be patient I am told

Your being made an example

An example of what? I cry

I’ve done nothing wrong

Just maintain and hang in there

This is just to make you strong

But I don't need more strength

And I have no more patience

For this silliness that they pull

I must want out of this rat race

Haven’t I lost enough

My family my friends, my lover?

Aren’t I tough enough?

Will they still much me farther?

I am so tired now

I just want sweet peace

I just need a little space

I need a safe release.

Letter to Dad

What I have to say to you

S’not been said before

I just wanted you to know

Each day I loved you more

Though we’ve had our differences

I want you to know you are my heart

I just wish that we were closer

Can’t we make a new start

So many is the time

I need you there

To be a daddy

To wipe away my tears

But it always seems

That you didn’t care

That you were too busy

And had no time to share

My dreams have been stolen

The hell I'm afraid of

Is the only I’m living in…

So afraid to love

I thought that that I was ugly

Because of a heart full of shame

A lifetime of heartache

A lifetime of pain

Empty hands

Reaching out

All the silent tears

All the voiceless shouts

Why couldn’t I see

What was right before my eyes

 The love and the pride

And the joy that shined

How much you loved me

And I didn't

 even know

Until it was too late

And to heave you had to go…..

You said

You said that you wanted me

I waited for your call

When it didn’t come, I wondered

Did you really care at all?

You said that you loved me

I believed it to be true

But how I hurt down deep inside

When I didn’t hear from you

You said that you would call

I waited by the phone

Hoping to hear your voice again

Waiting hoping, all alone

Now your waiting by the phone

Waiting for me to call

But, boy, do I have news for you

You’re waiting for nothing at all….

Missing You

Somehow I hoped I’d find you here tonight

Watching the stars flicker above

Knowing that we are destined to be

Forever separated in our love

My hear and soul still fee

The tenderness of your touch

You gave me such love and happiness

I couldn’t believe my luck

But then my luck turned sour

The day you went away

I knew I’d never see your face again

Or hear the words of love you’d gently say

I’d give anything to turn back time

And be with you here tonight

But I guess I’m destined to live alone

Out of mind, out of sigh

I miss you babe

You don’t know how much

The tender way you smiled at me

The gentleness of your touch

So wherever you are tonight

I trust your safe and sound

I hurt so much now that you are gone.

I know that the heavens needed you around.

Winter's Chill

Winter’s chill

I can feel the winter’s chill

As it blows down on this place

I can feel the loneliness still

On each and every face

Faces in the dark

Blending in together

Broken of the heart

Hear to stay forever

A day is but a year

A year is but a day

Only to shed another teach

As in the darkness we lay

No hope or help to be found

Desolation will prevail

Hell is all around

In pain, we always fail

The leaves are all gone

A chill is in the air

The nights are so long

Are we really even here?

The pain is everlasting

It never goes away

Like the winter we are wasting

Hour by hour, day by day.

Broken and Weary

Broken and weary from walking into the wind

Tired and worn from youth ill spent

Please to me some courage lend

I can’t go one…courage by the wayside went

My heart has been broken

My spirit has been crushed

No kind word is spoken

No feelings, unloved, unwanted

Sadness resides in my heart

Pain lives in my soul

Never again a new start

Never again  a new goal

To much of a fear

To fail cannot be

So many lost years

Will I ever again an innocent be?

So much pain

So much misery

So many insane

So much futility

So much is the life

I’m condemned to live

So tired of the strife

Had so much to once give

But people turned away

Because of the pain that they had

No one ever cared to stay

I guess I am so bad

That no one gives a damn

So why should I care

And in hell I am

I will always be there.

Paradise

Paradise

I see this world from both ends

I’ve done things better left undone

The time that I have is a gift lent

From the maker I often shun

There are things in this life

Things of great beauty

But with it comes a price

One with no refunds, no returns

The cost:  You’re life

We all go in search of paradise

Something we seldom find

Some in the cards, some in the dive

Some in the bottle, Needle or the pill

But when the truth finally hits…and it always will

When the friends finally leave

All for a cheap thrill

Yes, Paradise can be found

If you are willing to pay the cost

But when you get there ask yourself….

Is it paradise found or paradise lost?

Potential Victim

Retrieving from the closet, my worn out teddy bear

I clutch it close, adding new tear stains to it’s already matted fur

But quick comfort eludes my grasp

In the ruins of my ransacked heart

I had loved and I had lost

For only potential victims like me

Would risk leaving their life door unlatched

An invitation to would be assailants

To enter and vandalize and to take all that I have

By dismissing the guard and opening up to love

I give away the power to someone to push me down

And Trample my feelings underfoot

If I didn’t care, then that person couldn’t hurt me….

So locked up inside me of a very very private pain

And I feel alone…..

I am beginning to understand that I shouldn’t recoil from others….

Yes, it might mean pain, but I am beginning to understand

That perfect love means being a potential victim

To be so open and vulnerable that I will receive wounds from some

Warm response from others….

Which ultimately compensates for all my deepest hurts….

**************

I remember a night

So many years ago

Trembling with fright

And no where to go

I picked up the phone

And you were there

I was scared and alone

Crying so many tears

My faith in people had vanished

Like smoke on the wind

My heart and soul were tarnished

From living in “sin”

But the gods were gracious

When you came into my life

My soul was utter chaos

And I struggled with the strife

But the words you shared with me

Still linger on my mind

One day I’ll be free

And I’ll leave it all behind

By grace you stood beside me

All the way

And I will never know

How you hoped I would find my way

I'm sorry is never enough

To salve the hurt that I have caused

My edges are still rough….

To think I almost lost

Almost lost my humanity and friends

Because of sheer stupidity