Paradise

Paradise

I see this world from both ends

I’ve done things better left undone

The time that I have is a gift lent

From the maker I often shun

There are things in this life

Things of great beauty

But with it comes a price

One with no refunds, no returns

The cost:  You’re life

We all go in search of paradise

Something we seldom find

Some in the cards, some in the dive

Some in the bottle, Needle or the pill

But when the truth finally hits…and it always will

When the friends finally leave

All for a cheap thrill

Yes, Paradise can be found

If you are willing to pay the cost

But when you get there ask yourself….

Is it paradise found or paradise lost?

Potential Victim

Retrieving from the closet, my worn out teddy bear

I clutch it close, adding new tear stains to it’s already matted fur

But quick comfort eludes my grasp

In the ruins of my ransacked heart

I had loved and I had lost

For only potential victims like me

Would risk leaving their life door unlatched

An invitation to would be assailants

To enter and vandalize and to take all that I have

By dismissing the guard and opening up to love

I give away the power to someone to push me down

And Trample my feelings underfoot

If I didn’t care, then that person couldn’t hurt me….

So locked up inside me of a very very private pain

And I feel alone…..

I am beginning to understand that I shouldn’t recoil from others….

Yes, it might mean pain, but I am beginning to understand

That perfect love means being a potential victim

To be so open and vulnerable that I will receive wounds from some

Warm response from others….

Which ultimately compensates for all my deepest hurts….

**************

I remember a night

So many years ago

Trembling with fright

And no where to go

I picked up the phone

And you were there

I was scared and alone

Crying so many tears

My faith in people had vanished

Like smoke on the wind

My heart and soul were tarnished

From living in “sin”

But the gods were gracious

When you came into my life

My soul was utter chaos

And I struggled with the strife

But the words you shared with me

Still linger on my mind

One day I’ll be free

And I’ll leave it all behind

By grace you stood beside me

All the way

And I will never know

How you hoped I would find my way

I'm sorry is never enough

To salve the hurt that I have caused

My edges are still rough….

To think I almost lost

Almost lost my humanity and friends

Because of sheer stupidity